Castlevania’s most iconic song should whip me to death, not put me into a millennial sleep

As I continue on my way Castlevania: The Curse of Belmont (now thankfully untangled from the platforming challenge that encircled me earlier this week), I find myself truly in tune with the game’s soundtrack. Evil Empire’s sound team has chosen to go with a collection of eclectic, downtempo works that feel in tune with the current musical zeitgeist, obsessed with the Lofi Girl and her many musical siblings.

It’s a nice fit that allows the game to stand out sonically in the same way it does mechanically and visually while remaining enjoyable to listen to. It’s not obnoxious like some soundtracks can be, where louder, busier songs can burrow into your brain and remain mercilessly stuck, like the harpsichords blaring in the Long Library of Symphony of the night. I could play The Curse of Belmont soundtrack in the background during a workday and be quite relaxed with the resulting ambiance.

I particularly like “Bone March”, a track that plays as you explore the Paris catacombs, and “Iron Clock”, the theme from the Clock Tower. And while the Talos boss fight itself gave me heartburn and serious calluses on my hands, “Stone Tyrant,” its boss theme, is actually pretty funky.

But there is one significant exception to my general enjoyment of The Curse of Belmont soundtrack: The way he treats “Bloody Tears” is a bit tragic. This song is THE iconic theme song from the franchise. It’s up there with Dr. Wily’s castle theme of Mega-Man 2the kind of shit that when you hear it, it makes you want to run through a brick wall. And previous themes of “Bloody Tears” included this particular mission. Hell, even the “Bloody Tears” arrangement for the Castlevania Dead cells The DLC is a bop.

But in The Curse of Belmontthe song feels like a pulled punch. There’s a build-up with the familiar series of notes that lets you know, “Yeah, the good shit you remember is coming,” but when it’s time to drop the pace after all that intense buildup, the song fades into almost nothing. It’s too orchestral, it lacks the side that I expect from my arrangements of “Bloody Tears”. He blends into the decor.

“Bloody Tears” should give you a buzz. This should be the energy needed to fight and defeat Dracula. Unfortunately, this version puts me into a thousand-year sleep.