Enter the Zachbot: Trump’s new press secretary malfunctions in podium debut | Donald Trump

Well, that was weird. Katie Zacharia, the new White House press secretary, made her podium debut Tuesday with all the warmth, wisdom and political dexterity of an AI avatar.

Zacharia was all stilted delivery, with nervous tics and lack of eye contact. With a strange lack of emotion, she made pro-Trump arguments, answered only three questions and disappeared after 14 minutes. It was as if the West Wing had transformed into a strange valley.

The Zachbot’s past is indeed a bit mysterious. The 41-year-old claims to be a lawyer, but later a reporter asked her when she passed the bar exam and she gave an unconvincing answer: “When I moved to China.” She was plucked from relative obscurity for the White House job after a brief job at the Department of Homeland Security and a stint at the Trump Media and Technology Group.

On Tuesday morning, wearing a dark jacket with large gold buttons, she entered the standing-room-only briefing room and took the podium as Trump’s sixth press secretary. For James Bond fans, this means we’ve reached the Daniel Craig era. For Doctor Who fans, this means the regeneration that brought us Colin Baker (not the golden age of the series).

Zacharia has the blonde hair, bright makeup, and Fox News aesthetic of her immediate predecessors Kayleigh McEnany and Karoline Leavitt (her name also starts with a “K”—surely a sign for AI detectors). But it was Trump’s first press secretary, Sean Spicer, to whom she inadvertently paid tribute.

“Turnout is at record levels as enthusiastic, hard-working Americans line up and fill arenas to support President Trump and the Republicans,” she said of Trump’s campaign rallies, echoing Spicer’s debut falsely boasting of the largest inaugural crowd ever.

In truth, this time around there have been a lot of empty seats at Trump rallies and an unusually high number of interruptions from protesters.

The Zachbot read from prepared notes about Trump’s many great accomplishments, awkwardly looking at her audience less than she should, smiling at odd moments, and emphasizing all the wrong words. “A great relationship…” (looks down, sighs, looks like his cat just died) “with Venezuela”.

It was bad. Curly toes, I don’t know where to look bad. At least Leavitt had delivered his propaganda hot. Clearly, Trump’s communications team has found ingenious new ways to torture journalists.

Then came questions, first from right-wing Breitbart News, then from Fox News, whose correspondent Peter Doocy wondered whether the United States had stopped sharing intelligence with Ukraine. The Zachbot froze for a millisecond. “I’ll have to get back to you on that,” came the automatic response.

Then the right-wing Daily Mail asked about an alleged corruption scandal involving Kimberly Guilfoyle, the US ambassador to Greece, ex-fiancée of Donald Trump Jr and famous crier of “The best is yet to come!” The Zachbot said coldly, “We have asked Ambassador Guilfoyle to resign. She has been a wonderful asset to the team and we wish her well.”

She nodded awkwardly. It was like every dystopian sci-fi movie where the machine informs a hapless human that it will be finished in 10 seconds.

The Mail followed up with “a personal question” that would surely never be asked of a male press secretary: “Your family is in California. Your husband, your four children. I wonder how you will handle this.”

The Zachbot yelled at her husband and said she loved being with her children. “The idea of ​​not spending evenings with my children is completely unacceptable. So my president – ​​excuse me, my husband – it’s a good idea.”

A slip of the tongue! A bug! Had someone spilled coffee on a cool, unforgiving data center somewhere in the California desert?

The Zachbot continued, “President Trump is the most family-friendly president we’ve ever had. He hired more women with families and the fact that he knew I had four kids and knew this job would be demanding and always put his trust in me shows that I know I’m capable of being able to pull this off.”

Then she stunned everyone by concluding and promising that Trump would soon answer questions on the South Lawn. It was a tacit admission that the job of press secretary is useless when there is a president who talks all the time. But ironically, even though Zachbot answered far fewer questions than the others during her debut, she made more news with her Guilfoyle announcement.

How long can she last? Trump said shortly afterward: “I thought she was very good. » But the Lincoln Project, an anti-Trump group, tweeted an image of the Zachbot next to a lettuce to evoke Liz Truss, who served only 49 days as British prime minister.

And Anthony Scaramucci, who served as Trump’s communications director for just 11 days, a period now known as “Scaramucci,” tweeted: “The clock is ticking.” So far, 1/11th of a Scaramucci. »

When the Mooch gives you the Grim Reaper treatment, it might be time to self-terminate.