Updated November 3, 2026, 3:20 p.m. ET
After Grey’s Anatomy actor Eric Dane died in February, his wife, Rebecca Gayheart Dane, turned to a psychic.
The medium told the actress that Dane would come to their family in the form of a hummingbird, spider or dragonfly. Now she finds her house and garden filled with creatures. And sometimes when Gayheart Dane turns on the car, a song she really liked starts playing, even when her phone isn’t connected.
In these unlikely moments, Gayheart Dane and the couple’s teenage daughters know that it’s Dane who says hello to them.
Dane died on February 19 at age 53 from complications of ALS. He announced less than a year earlier that he had been diagnosed with a nervous system disease, short for amyotrophic lateral sclerosis. He continued acting, appearing on NBC’s “Brilliant Minds” and returning as Cal Jacobs in Season 3 of “Euphoria.” He also became an advocate for people living with ALS.
Dane’s deeply personal memoir, “My Book of Days” (now available from The Open Field) chronicles his battle with ALS, but also touches on his early career, his addiction and his family. He leaves advice and last wishes to his daughters, Billie, 16, and Georgia, 14. He also describes his unconditional support for Gayheart Dane, his “best friend”. The couple married in 2004 and separated in 2018, but never signed divorce papers. After Dane received the diagnosis, she rejected the divorce request. “Our love may not be romantic, but it is a family love,” she wrote in The Cut in 2025.
Speaking to USA TODAY ahead of Dane’s posthumous release, Gayheart Dane says she hopes the memoir will help fans see him “beyond McSteamy,” his cult character on “Grey’s Anatomy.”
“He was a very complicated human being,” says Gayheart Dane. “We all are. Humans are complicated. Someone may appear brilliant and perfect on the outside, but they may not feel it on the inside.”
Rebecca Gayheart Dane learns that ‘grief is not linear’
Gayheart Dane remembers waiting for the call in 2024. Dane was in San Francisco with a neurologist, about to hear the results. She remembers thinking it couldn’t be ALS.
“I was sure it was something else, so I was completely shocked and heartbroken. I remember one of my daughters was at home and in the room, when I got the call, and I said, ‘I’ll take this call’ to give me some privacy, and I went into my closet, actually, and closed the door,” Gayheart Dane said. “I can’t really describe what it feels like, because I knew what ALS meant. I knew the end game.”
In his memoirs, between stories of his life and his career, Dane leaves lessons to his two daughters. He ends the book by telling them: “Fight, girls – and hold your heads high.”
Nine months later, the family understands that “grief is not linear,” says Gayheart Dane.
“A lot of times you just feel angry, upset, angry, or like you miss the person, and just angry that you can’t talk to them anymore,” says Gayheart Dane. “For me, she’s someone that I had my kids with, and I watch my kids grow up, and I can’t talk to the person I want to talk to about it. You know? They change, and they go through their firsts, and their disappointments, and their heartbreaks, and their triumphs, and I want to call Eric and talk to him about it, and I can’t. And it’s really hard.”
Eric Dane would be “really happy” with his memoir
Gayheart Dane was returning home from filming “The Ocean Between Them” in Belize when she read the memoir for the first time. It was “a very trying plane ride back,” she said.
Dane worked on “My Book of Days” during the last year of his life with writer Alan Eisenstock, who sat down with Dane as he told his story through his most important days. As Dane’s health deteriorated, the project became more difficult, says Gayheart Dane. But they continued to work on it until the end. Gayheart Dane agreed to speak publicly about the book if Dane died before its release. But having to take on this responsibility was a “big surprise,” she says.
“I don’t think any of us ever imagined losing Eric before the end of this book,” says Gayheart Dane.
Today, Dane’s words find their place on bookstore shelves and on readers’ shelves. Even though he’s not there to celebrate, Gayheart Dane says Dane would be “really happy” with how it turned out.
“There’s just a beautiful message in the book for everyone, which is ‘Don’t wait.’ Life is precious and it’s so easy to forget that,” she says. “Take all the photos, do everything and be a good friend, a good sister, a good father, a good husband, a good wife – whatever it takes. I think that’s a message that will resonate with everyone, whether you’re dealing with a terminal illness or you’re just going through life and not enjoying every minute of every day.”
Clare Mulroy is USA TODAY’s book reporter, covering what’s hot, talking with authors and diving into reading culture. Find her on Instagramsubscribe to our weekly Book Bulletin or tell him what you read at cmulroy@usatoday.com.
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