Hormonal changes are an integral part of many phases of life, for both women and men. However, we talk more about one than the other. (We’ll let you guess which one.)
An example? Hormonal changes in middle-aged men are often considered a “mid-life crisis,” but experts say that couldn’t be further from the truth. For men in their 40s and 50s, hormonal changes (like decreased testosterone) as well as societal pressures can lead to a range of physical and emotional symptoms, said James Davis, psychologist coach and owner of Midlife Mentors in the United Kingdom.
Health: Irritable Male Syndrome (IMS) is a real illness – and it could explain a lot
“Irritable Male Syndrome” is a condition that describes declining testosterone levels and other hormonal changes that can occur as men age. This is not a clinical diagnosis, but a recognized problem that was raised by Scottish scientist Gerald Lincoln.
This period of life is more formally known as andropause, according to Davis. (That’s the term Davis prefers.) “I think the most serious side of this situation is that a lot of men are having their psychological health affected,” Davis said.
Andropause is a time of increased anxiety, loss of self-confidence, worries about midlife accomplishments, and much more. These issues affect men on a daily basis and can add major stress to partnerships.
Ahead, experts explain exactly how issues with low testosterone can impact relationships:
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1. Struggles with Anxiety and Confidence
“If your testosterone levels drop, you may be more anxious (and) less confident,” Davis said. “Then if we add that in, we’re at midlife and we start asking ourselves existential questions like ‘Am I where I wanted to be?’ “Is this what I planned?” “What’s next for me?” It calls into question our entire sense of identity, who we are and what our place is in the world. »
Mood changes are common during this time, said Mykal Manswell, a licensed professional counselor at Thriveworks. In addition to anxiety, depression may also become more prevalent among middle-aged men, Manswell said.
In a relationship, anxiety, depression, and a loss of self-confidence can manifest in many ways: perhaps anxiety spirals that you talk about with your partner or a low mood that means fewer dates with your partner.
“It varies because everyone’s human experience is different, but these are some of the statuses that we’re seeing, especially in recent research,” Manswell said.
2. Decreased libido
“Intimacy comes up all the time, because we know it can be a very delicate time for both men and women,” Davis said. “The libido can fluctuate, disappear.” Erectile dysfunction problems can also occur at this time.
These issues can cause “a whole cascade of psychological triggers in men,” he added. “And what they will tend to do, unfortunately, is rather than try to talk about it, (they) will withdraw.”
Instead of withdrawing, Davis suggests talking to your partner about what’s going on — and even finding a medical professional who can help, too.
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As testosterone levels decrease, men may notice difficulty sleeping, increased anxiety, decreased libido and more. Malte Mueller via Getty Images
3. Sleep disruptions, which can lead to low mood
Andropause and low testosterone can also cause sleep disturbances and loss of sleep.
“The relationship you have overall with sleep is a critical factor in your overall functionality as a human being,” Manswell said.
Poor sleep during quarantine can lead to irritability and mood swings, he noted.
4. Resentment or anger
Traditionally, men haven’t been encouraged to focus on their emotions and seek social support, said Kevin Ramotar, a clinical psychologist and director of clinical products and AI at Grow Therapy.
“And we know that it has been harmful,” he noted, before adding that the situation is changing, but there is still a culture of repressing emotions and not paying attention to underlying issues.
“But it gets harder to do as you move forward in life – maybe your children are older… relationship issues you’ve been hiding and resentment you might have developed are now starting to surface,” he added. “You can only suppress things for so long until they come out.”
This may manifest as anger, sarcasm, or irritability. “It’s really just another form of externalizing depression, sadness,” he said.
“I think as you get further into the lifespan, in my opinion, the suppression gets weaker and it starts to show up, and it’s harder to ignore, so it’s happening,” he said.
In a relationship, this might look like lashing out at your partner over issues that aren’t serious or even walking away if the resentment runs too deep.
5. Muscle loss
As men age, muscle loss occurs, Manswell said. Your stamina may also decrease. This means that if you and your partner were avid exercisers or had a daily gym or walking routine, it may become more difficult to develop the motivation to stick with it.
When to see a doctor
The sad reality is that this midlife bad mood can turn into a “self-perpetuating negative cycle,” Ramotar said.
“I need help, but I don’t ask for it. I push you away and then you walk away from me,” he said. In some cases, this negative cycle can lead to late divorce.
While divorce is the right choice in some situations, seeking mental health support can be a way to better communicate with your partner and understand what you’re going through.
“You don’t always have to wait for adversity to strike to seek help,” Manswell said, “and so the more preventative health measures you take, you may also be able to detect problems sooner rather than later.”
Mental health support plays an important role, as does physical health support.
“It’s really when you start to notice the symptoms over a consistent period of time that you should go see your doctor…a simple blood test will tell you what your testosterone levels are, and then you can look at your options,” Davis said.
Certain lifestyle adjustments can help increase testosterone levels, Davis noted, such as sleeping well, moving around during the day, cutting out processed foods and much more.
“There’s a whole host of things we can do from a lifestyle standpoint. If that doesn’t work, then there is the option of testosterone replacement therapy, which is when…we introduce testosterone into our system,” Davis said.
It’s not an option for everyone, and it’s a lifelong medical commitment, he said, but it’s a good thing to consider.
If you’re experiencing signs of andropause, it’s worth talking to mental health and physical health professionals, Manswell said. This can help you get back to feeling like your old self.
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