Family Tip: I receive the same message from my aunt every year on October 1st. Then I have to deliver the bad news.

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Dear Prudence,

Every year, my aunt-in-law sends me a “Happy Birthday” message on October 1st. She will text me directly, leave a voicemail on my phone, or write a public message on Facebook.

My birthday is actually in March. I thanked her every year and then reminded her to change the date in her address book. She says she’s sure my birthday is in October because she saw it in my wedding slideshow. I explained that she had spelled it wrong. She promises to change him, but she never does. This has been going on for at least as long as I’ve been married, 14 years.

This year I was fed up and just didn’t respond to his message. She got angry with me, so I told her that I would say thank you for the birthday wishes on my birthday. I probably should have been less snappy, but I was already having a bad day, and the idea of ​​having to have the same conversation AGAIN really bothered me at that point. Now she is upset and complains to everyone in the family. What should I do?

—Not an October baby

Dear baby, it’s not an October baby,

I assume the people your aunt contacted to complain agree that it’s not unreasonable to correct someone who repeatedly tries to celebrate you on the wrong day. I wonder if any of them have any insight into your aunt’s personality quirks, cognitive decline, mental health issues, medication side effects, or anything else that might be causing this kind of confusion and persistent stubbornness. Personally, I’d feel better if I knew she wrote the wrong birthday for everyone, or that she seriously struggled with dates and memory. If you have a relationship with her outside of the inaccurate annual greetings, this would be good information to have and might help you understand her behavior.

But in case you are not very close to her and do not intend to be, there is not much you can do. If it really annoys you to see these October posts, I don’t want to encourage you to be inauthentic. But if there’s a way to convince you to treat this as someone else’s weird fixation and not an insult to you, that would be great. If you could find it in yourself to respond with a heartfelt response or a “Thank you!” » to his private messages and something like: “Thanks, it’s almost my half birthday!” to the public (to avoid confusing others), it’s even better.

Dear Prudence,

I met my boyfriend at university in the UK over two years ago. He started out as my closest friend, and he still is. We laugh about the same things, share the same dreams and can talk for hours. He is wise, kind, brilliant and understands me like no one else. I love him deeply.

We maintained a long distance relationship between London and York, but after he graduated he had to move back to his parents in Dubai, and now we only have calls and texts in the evenings. He applies for a job in London, but the market is brutal. Now his parents, who don’t care about our relationship, are planning to return to India and want him, a law graduate, to start their new business there. It’s his life and I want him to be happy, but I don’t know if I’ll ever see him again or if it’s worth a try. It exhausts me. How can I hold on without losing myself?

—Dubai Distance

Dear Dubai Distance,

You say his parents want him to return to India, but do he you want ? If he plans to come back with them to build the family business, and you don’t expect to see him again in the near future, and he hasn’t offered an explicit plan to do remote work and shared a vision for life that you might have, he has essentially ended the relationship without making an announcement about it.

The good news is that you both have a close friendship outside of your romantic relationship. Take advantage of this, his kindness and deep understanding of you, and tell him exactly how you feel. “I love you dearly and I know we share the same dreams, so I’m trying to see what you think about moving to India and what that might mean for our relationship. Do you think you will? Would you want to stay together? What would that version of long distance look like? I want to be with you, but I also want us to talk about the logistics and if it’s realistic for us to have a relationship. Tell me how you see things.”

He might have a great idea, like “My parents will definitely pay for regular visits if I come home to help them. I think four times a year,” and you can decide if that works for you. But if he doesn’t engage or recognize the challenge that geography presents in this relationship, the answer to the question “How can I hold on without getting lost?” » will unfortunately be: you don’t.

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Dear Prudence,

I am a 30 year old cisgender woman. I live with my parents and I’m still a virgin. I don’t think I’m asexual; I just never had the opportunity because I’m very selective about how I spend my time. As we get older, situation V becomes more and more annoying. Should I tell someone if the opportunity arises?

—Bored by the V

Dear Bored,

You’re 30 and you seem to know yourself and your values ​​very well, so if this advice doesn’t align with your view of sex and romance, ignore it. But I suspect that when you find a romantic relationship with someone, emotional intimacy and openness about everything that makes you you, including being a virgin, will go hand in hand with the decision that you are ready to have sex. So I’m not saying you have to say it (you don’t), but I hope you do. I wanto. And wanting to share this fact about yourself could very well be a sign that this “boring” situation is about to come to a head. END.

Classic Prudie

I live in a beautiful (and very expensive) apartment with lots of amenities: a spacious rooftop lounge, a high-tech gym, free refreshments and on-site chefs, a medispa, a concierge doctor, biodata services, well-equipped WFH offices and much more. After years of living in very questionable apartments, I finally have the means to live here. I invited a friend and she was over the moon…